Mid-way through One by Two, an exasperated ex-girlfriend screams at her still-besotted boyfriend, whom she dumped recently, "You are so boring. Aur toh aur tumhara naam bhi boring hai." I felt her pain. Boredom weighed me down too as I watched this film.  One by Two is one of those determinedly contemporary romantic dramas that are entirely played out in the world of stylish offices, coffee shops, malls, multiplexes and nightclubs. Here the beautiful, affluent, lonely young folk of Mumbai work out their angst. The story by writer-director Devika Bhagat isn’t half-bad but these characters whine too much to be interesting company. I wish there was more of this.

Barely five minutes into the film and I knew the next one hour and fifteen minutes will be nothing less than torture. A talented actor like Abhay Deol is wasted in this film. Blandness apart, I don't see the point filmmaker Devika Bhagat is trying to make. I don't see a reason why this film was made in the first place. Let me try my best to explain to you what's happening in this film. t's hard to believe that the dull tracks in this film are given by Bollywood's most celebrated music composers Shankar Ehsaan Loy. Shouldn't a film about a dance reality show have good music and good dancers?  Or is that asking for too much? The search for the first contender of the 'Worst Films of 2014 list' ends right here.

Halfway through One By Two, one minor character, a poetry-spouting police officer, mentions “inspiration ki hawa”. This little film certainly could have done with much more of that rare commodity. There is no dearth of perspiration in screenwriter Devika Bhagat’s directorial debut. She packs quite a lot into the film. Yet it feels wafer-thin. One By Two is a quirkily off-kilter romantic comedy that turns many a norm of the genre on its head. Unfortunately, it never quite manages to find the plot or the characters to keep pace with its carelessly strewn ideas about life, love and loafing. One By Two isn’t particularly romantic and, notwithstanding its laboured attempts at toilet humour, it certainly isn’t comedic either. Alas, they cannot reduce the tedium of the tale for One By Two does not add up to much.

True to its name, this is half a film. It’s half-written, half-digested, half-witted. The reasoning -- that ordering half a portion of soup gets you more bang for your buck -- might be a sound one for the neighbourhood vinegar-lovin’ chowmein joint, but when both performers and characters are as insipid as the ones in One By Two, you’d be best advised to call for the check instead. This is one dish best served unserved. Director Devika Bhagat tries a fair few intriguing things with her first movie, subverting standard romantic-comedy expectations by giving us unlikable protagonists -- he’s a drab jerk, she’s a venally selfish dancer -- and giving them truly unusual motivations. There is a stray moment of freshness every now and then. A girl who plays hungry suitor does so with some vim, and, as mentioned, the older folks -- Jayant Kripalani, Rati Agnihotri, Lillette Dubey, Darshan Jariwala and a man who has stolen Dalip Tahil’s voice -- are all good. But the people around them, the apparent leads of this project, let them all down. Like the parents in the film, we deserve better.

One By Two didn’t find the right rhythm. This is a case of missed opportunities. Trying for likeability is tough when the film is saddled with a listless plot and pace. And actors trying to lend it some heft, especially veterans like Rati Agnihotri and Jayant Kriplani, but not being able to because they don’t get enough. Lillete Dubey is an exception: as the wife and mother who wants to do the right thing, she comes off well. There’s a nice cameo of a garrulous girl who crunches wafers noisily right through her first date. The zaniness of Deol-in-his-boxers makes us laugh, even if it feels a trifle contrived. You wish that One By Two had been half as much fun. 

One by two flaunts substance for a richly flavoured psychological thriller, however right from the opening scene the film suffers from an unavoidable drain of what it actually promises to offer. Never does the director seem to hold any control over his characters that are let loose with their distorted minds on an abandoned landscape, free to do anything they wish. Fahadh and Murali Gopy both pull off stunning moments, but not too often. The frequent exposition of fractured minds and multiple identities coagulate into a kind of total disorder and there is forced influx of evils that perpetrate medical field so that the events somehow rush the film to its end, though far from a coherent conclusion. One by two comes across as a foiled attempt, the characters either appearing too complex or too shallow, never being able to fix themselves to the core.